If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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