My nipple is on Facebook.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
My ass is underappreciated
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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