My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
