even my farts smell like vagina
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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