I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
