just tell him i said nine months
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
