I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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