Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
