Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
