you turned your livingroom into a bong?
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
