The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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