I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
We left the knife in your bed.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
