Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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