I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
