You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
