it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
