I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
