No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
