I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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