Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
