Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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