are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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