I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
