Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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