remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
