Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
