I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Randomize
