I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
