i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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