Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
