Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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