Yo dont text me then not text me
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
