in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
