so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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