the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I'm always down for nudity.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
