i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
