Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
