remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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