I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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