thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
