i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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