sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
