just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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