It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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