just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
