So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
