I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
