So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize