he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
