I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
