....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
